i find time is an essence that is so underrated
every second that goes by is another second of my life wasted
yet at the same time
it goes by so slowly
its unbearable
i cannot seem to wait
for the day to sleep forever
yet everything i do
seems to be something i have just done
time is an entity
that is unexplainable and more valuablle than enything in the universe

i strain to hear what u just said. the thoughts that race are not mine. the thoughts are not real. but emotions are. i cannot help butsee the wrong in everything. i cannot help but laugh when somehting dies or breaks. the uselessness of everythiung complicated fascinates me. "but im a creep. im a weirdo. what the hell am i doing hee? i dont belong here. i wanna have control. i want a perfect body. i wqant a perfect soul. i wish i was special. ur so fucking special."* marijuana does nothign but help me escape the pain. escape. run away. fear is fuck everything and run. that all i know. it seems my life is slipping away. i canmnot wait to sleep forever. i cannot wait to close my eyes. i feel ur pain inside my veins. i live off ur sorrow. a fucking vampire. i take what is urs.

i never know should i stay or should i go? should i be excited to leave or worried to be gone? should i let u leave should i let u love me? should i refuse to love u? a life as malicious as this shuld come in fruity flavours not bitter tastes. i dream a little dream and silently scream as darkness takes me in. the conspiracy of this lifetime is marvelous and overwhelming. i think i woke up screaming. i had a dream i was happy. i had a dream u still loved me. but we will never be. life is a matter of time we waste instead of taste the falsification. i wanna play a game say the same story again. will u still love me? will u remember me afer i die? i struggle to see but omehow my night vision has been turned off by some vaguely familiar hand. i wish i had more time to cry, time to say im sorry, time to say something or other. i just called to say i love u. i use too often and i drink too much. jack daniels in a wine glass to settle the confusion. i cannot live as u say i shall. i cannot speak at all. too charlatan to speak of truth. too insane to be believed. the world is fake, its all a mistake. society is a conspiracy. too hateful to speak of love. too compassionate to speak of hate. i shall not speak at all. i leave by sayin life spelled backwards is efil.

the government

Mainstream and The Radio

"Freedom From Wrong"

Insanity and The Norm

Murder, and Promiscuity

Love and Beauty

Marriage and Homosexuality

Happiness and Love, Acceptance of The Greater Things

The Past and Destiney

Heaven and Hell

The Future

what i have learned/ what really matters